Note to Self: Trying to “live up to your potential" keeps you from purpose.
If I hear "unleash your full potential" one more time...
When it comes to your potential, there is nothing to "live up to.”
Trying to live up to your potential is actually keeping you from the sense of purpose you're searching for. In fact, this belief contributes to us feeling lost, discouraged, and (on a bad day) in crisis.
The prevailing cultural narrative about living up to your potential reflects the fixed mindset – the belief that your qualities are set in stone, i.e. that you have a finite amount of intelligence or ability, which you must prove, over and over (Carol Dweck, Mindset).
This narrative is so pervasive that some coaches out there unknowingly reinforce it by saying they'll help you "unlock your potential" or "unleash your full potential." I’m sure they're well-intentioned, but this approach is misguided and counterproductive.
The notion that you could "live up to your potential" implies that it's predefined, predetermined, predestined – from birth, I guess? As if potential is something you either have or you don’t (yikes) and that you have a set amount of it.
When you were growing up, perhaps well-meaning adults reinforced this with intended compliments about how much potential they could see in you. Unfortunately, within the context of prevailing cultural narratives, these intended compliments unknowingly carry a veiled threat of “or else": You’re one of the special ones with great potential, so you better not waste it.
No wonder we fear not living up to our potential.
How fear keeps you from a sense of purpose
As you’re faced with decisions in your career (such as which jobs to apply for, whether or not to go back to school, what steps to take in your business), when you make decisions from that place of fear, then you are not positioned to act from your inner knowing, authenticity, curiosity or self-trust.
The stakes feel sky-high – too high to slow down long enough to check in with yourself, and certainly too high to be able to hear what your inner voice is saying over the relentless scolding or warnings from an inner critic.
This leads many of us to over-index on what "makes sense" at the expense of what feels right, sometimes also at the expense of a connection to yourself to even discern how the feeling of "right" even manifests in your being.
When you make decisions from a place of "living up to" something, that something becomes more important than your experience of it. Achievement, prestige and default linear paths lure many of us away from meaning, joy, innovation and self-expression.
So what approach can we take instead?
My approach and methodology are rooted in the growth mindset, which is the belief that your qualities can grow and develop over time through practice, training and help from others. Through this lens, Dweck explains that a person’s true potential is unknown or un-knowable. It’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished through training, passion, and practice etc. And that’s the truth.
So. In your search for purpose and a (work-)life that works for you, if you feel pressure to “find your thing” or figure out what you’re doing with your life, if you worry that you’re falling behind, or that it’s too late…I am here to help you move forward from exactly where you are, without needing to have it all figured out right now, and with a kind relationship with yourself intact.
More on that next week.
Until soon,
Emily
Emily Pantel (she/her)
Career Coaching & Astrology
Self Over Should
www.selfovershould.com
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